22/05/2023

[celltheory]

Narratively satisfying....

I am trying to be more positive going forward so here are a bunch of lists of things I am looking forward to.

Movies
- Past Lives
- You Hurt my Feelings
- The spiderverse one I have no idea what it's called.
- The movie about art that I completely forget the title and looks kind of boring and depressing but /could/ be good if I can fathom the ability to Sit Down And Watch Something At Home.

I am not a movie person at all, but these seem like they have a lot of potential. I will be making the feelings one about twu I already know, but it's fine.
Books
- The Late Americans by Brandon Taylor. Technically, it comes out tomorrow but somehow it was released early? The Early Americans, lmao. I really like Brandon Taylor's writing a lot tbh, but I do find him Too Smart for me. I read his newsletter often and I feel like I understand every fifth sentence if I am lucky. I'm like 10 pages in and I do like it. It is funny to me that it is about poetry and other forms of art being pretentious. He's used the word pussy so many times already. It's like how often he used sour in his first two. I think this will be a good one but I do not want to get my hopes up.
- The Happy Couple by Naoise Dolan. Her first book was...fine. I think she is the only author where the Sally Rooney comparisons are like...um yes. The Irishness is definitely part of it, but I'd be so curious to read them interviewing each other or something because I wonder how much they actually agree on. Dolan's books seem to portray more relationships between women whereas Sally just has them...namedrop bisexuality. I love Sally though do not get me wrong but anyway. It's out Friday in the UK so I am hoping to figure out a way to get an epub because it isn't out until NOVEMBER in Canada ): I read the first three chapters on netgalley though which is like nice but also annoying because why not more, but I liked it. The main woman is a pianist with a pianist ex-gf and they're absolutely bonkers so it should be good. I'm wary that the rest of the book is going to focus too much on men for my taste, but I am excited.
- August Blue by Deborah Levy. I've read a bunch of her books and liked them well enough so this one sounds pretty good. I have no other thoughts.

life
- new york + taylor swift concert. this should be a lot of fun and i know it will be but i am stressed about travel logistics and the fact that i land sunday at like 3pm and i have school the next two days from 8am to 6pm. like...oh boy. i am nervous about testing but mostly school is fine. i am so...wary of how much they said we need to practice when it's very simple...moving someone around and not doing anything to them. but i am SCARED
- june is going to be a mess at work because kids go crazy before exams and honestly none of them know how to study so it's like...reteaching the entire curriculum and hoping they do work at home. but then it's summer and i think i'm going to ask to drop my hours a lot more because i am sick of it.
- been playing tennis a lot more since the weather is better and the outdoor courts are open and it is really nice. i wish there was a league with people my age but like...the one my parents play in has lots of people my age playing with their parents but i dunno if i can handle that.
- triathlon training...maybe? it feels like something i think i like more than i actually do. i rowed a bit again and wish it was easier to get back on the water. still want to buy a kayak.
- i have tickets to maggie rogers and dermot kennedy/valley but nobody to go with ): going alone sounds terrifying to me in this specific location but like. maybe?

fic-wise
- genuinely trying to read less because...hockey rpf has been pissing me off. there's been a couple of really great ones posted lately but the rest, i am too unstably annoyed to handle it.
- felt like i made progress on "olivia" but it's such a monster and my rational for writing it feels so idiotic that it's tough to work through that.
- i am so tempted to write more of dyke petey/willy but hockey rpf is NOT a fan of women in fic which is like. i can...ok i cannot understand it but i guess i get it. the post going around that's like, "haha fandom is so dominated by women that everyone's "blorbos" are men haha. name your female blorbo <3 ahha." and then its like. dont say a man that's female coded. i am SO tired. like sometimes i feel so insane and like...reductive but i don't know. i just cannot keep doing this. the solution is probably less fic and more just. sports are sports, you know? but i feel genuinely incapable of it which is mebarrassing. but it was funny to me because all the sports blogs in the tags just name like women from one book and it's like aw nice. and i KNOW that fandom is like....not the majority of people's lives so there's chances they "support women" in other tangible ways that are much better than FANDOM and fic and gifs and edits etc. but it's just like. it still makes me sad? i don't know.

sports
- hockey: i half-assedly watch games but i'm going to be unable to for the next week so like...there's that, i guess? still cannot make myself fond of tkachuk sorry. sometimes i wish i could. i am intrigued by the stars still but more in like...i need them to win for other people and not personally. vegas just annoys me for so many reasons that would probably get me #cancelled on twitter but who cares.
- basketball: watching the lakers as i type this and it is fun to see lebron play so well. i used to be such a lebron girl and now i just...realized i do not like watching basketball at all. i was supposed to go to the lynx/sky game in toronto but my friend was sick and cancelled last minute so i just...gave my tickets away to some random woman and her sister on twitter. kia nurse on seattle is like....10pm games...she doesn't really feel relevant to me anymore. if gabby had stayed in the W and re-signed there i would've been so fucking obnoxious. i miss caring about uconn. i didn't even really ship them back then but the potential was there. now it's just like...the straightest woman you've ever met with a podcaster boyfriend who follows her everywhere and i cannot care sorry to say.
- tennis: elena won rome <3 clay queen. tennis twitter is such a mess because people really just want to fight and i have no interest. i just want people to post cute pictures that elena gets tagged in on instagram so i don't have to check myself. i feel like tennis tumblr is such a weird place because there's a group of women who are slightly younger than i am who love like...all the ATP players. it's mostly: casper, all the russians (this is who they ship which i have no judgment at all but i find it so narratively BORING), felix, and then one like..."annoying" guy like denis or holger. even tho meddy absolutely counts but people argue that. and then the old men. i am SO sick of andy murray like i am SORRY. roger/rafa was never interesting to me lol, but i like rafa so it sucks that he's out. wta tumblr is like...one person who seems to not have any favourites but watches ~all of them~ and really cares about the morality of being a tennis fan which i get but it is too exhausting for me. i really only care about elena rn :/// i hope denis does well at rg. i am growing fond of holger because i do think his whole personality gets exaggerated so people feel fine hating him. i am not gonna defend him because he's fucked up a lot but his bts videos are so interesting. i really, really miss people caring about the sport they play and loving it so much it's on that borderline tension of like...damn you live like this? but he's fun to watch play too. i guess qinwen is on my list for favourite wta players but she hasn't been playing as often. i def think players should pick and choose their schedules and prioritize rest etc but god sometimes it's like months without them playing and it's like??? i've gone sour on iga which i feel kinda bad about. but then insane because if she wasn't polish i'd be whatever. she's definitely gay though. and people are being weird about her and her sports psychologist and i like...get the argument or whatever, but i really do not think they're dating? and i really do wonder what people think the WTA or some organization can do to uh...stop men in their late 20s to 30s to early 40s from dating the teenagers they coach. like i think it is important to talk about but i don't think any of these teens/women/etc are going to take well to people publicly calling their relationships fucked up? it's just...a lot. but anyway. i am excited for RG honestly. i feel like tennis is such a loner sport in so many ways but also in my fandom because like...i have a few friends who watch but in such a way it does not match up with me at all so i am just....talking to the void and making gifs and getting 5 notes and pretending its fine.